About me
I am one of the people that learned how to live by dying
You don’t know how this goes? I will tell you… You let people and life hurt you so badly that when they hurt you, you feel as if your soul fills with ash. That ash represents a fragment of death, a side of you that gets lost leaving behind an existential void. When your hope and trust are turned to ashes, you experience a death of the spirit. And beyond literature and painting, in the world of real tears, you know how to cry until you put out the fire on your wings.
Not that it would make sense in a world in which sense is the power in not caring, but because you don’t know any better, because you were built crooked when you were born.
And when the pain passes the bearable human limit, in that fall into chaos, you remain more human than all the other ones that think of themselves as being strong just because they don’t care.
We don’t live in a world where one truly cares about another one’s soul. People forget, they trample on you if you happen to stand between them and their goals, they take big chunks of your soul if they think they might need it at some point, and keep going, lost in a cruelty of which they are not even aware.
There are just a few fools that learned how to die in the name of love, of humanity and honesty. These damaged people with souls filled with butterflies, have learned how to smile for others even when they are torn on the inside, are the ones that still bring a bit of magic in this dull world. These useless people bring out the best in you even for a moment – they remind you how you once were. Or what you could have been.
These madmen that waste themselves in others, that die a little with each disappointment, with each heartbeat that nobody hears, are bright and human, warm and kind. But there is something else to mention about their worthless lives – it’s so… beautiful. Because in their useless passing, they make others meet themselves, with their most beautiful side of their soul.
Because when the world is suffocating under the burden of indifference, along comes a mortal nobody, ready to put his soul on the line just to convince you that love exists, and self-expenditure exists. And maybe you pass by him quickly, maybe you laugh at his madness – but the song he will sing will forever echo in your ears as a longing for the shore you will never reach.
Because some, while living, don’t bring as much joy as they bring by slowly withering…these people born out of the wing of a soul. And they fix themselves, they mend their soul, smile and start from the top in the uphill battle of existence, because they won’t get rid of their burden until the end of time.
Someone asked “What is happiness?”
For every person, happiness can mean something else.
For a sick person, happiness can be health.
For a poor person, happiness can mean prosperity.
For a teenager, happiness can mean a successful career.
For a successful person, happiness can mean a happy family life.
For me…
Happiness means doing what you like, when you like, how you like it and with whoever you want.
Happiness means saying what you think and doing what you say.
Happiness means putting love in your thoughts, in your words and your actions.
Happiness means smiling when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning.
Happiness means enjoying a sunrise, a leaf, a flower, or a child’s smile.
Happiness means looking back at your life with sympathy, acceptance, and love.
For me, happiness means being enough for yourself.
Not trying to prove anything to anyone, just being who you are. That’s it!
That is my happiness.
The suffering you feel because of “love” doesn’t come from love, but from:
- The fear of being left because you don’t know how to live beautiful on your own.
- Jealousy – meaning the fear of anyone else being better then you in your partner’s eyes.
- The fact that the other one isn’t how you would like him to be – he doesn’t act according to your expectations, needs and egoistical desires.
- The dependency and fondness – “what am I supposed to do without him/her”
- Your possessiveness, because you don’t want anyone else to take part to the enjoyment you feel next to someone.
- Your ego (the focusing on yourself), which doesn’t know that love means freedom and not being chained.
If you would really love, you wouldn’t suffer, but unconditionally accept and understand the person next to you, who will be with you as long as they want, because they want to and they enjoy being with you.
Work with yourself, build up your self-trust, your self-worth and self-love. This way you won’t suffer out of love anymore, because you will know you’re a valuable human being, worthy of love, and if your partner doesn’t cherish you as you feel he should or notice that you’re not compatible, you will have the courage of leaving that relationship and give yourself another chance.
Love between two partners is when both give whatever is best within them. Love can’t exist in an environment inhabited by fear, jealousy, possessiveness, control, dependency, or compromises.
Teach the daughters that coming back home from a failed marriage is better then coming back in a casket. Teach the daughters that break ups are not failures. Ending a relationship means starting a new life. That leaving a vicious circle is a victory for the heart. That ending a toxic emotional relationship is an act of self-love.
Let your daughters, sisters, mothers, aunts, nieces and friends know that they have a life ahead. That nobody can stop the shine in their souls. That nothing is lost when dignity is defended. That the beauty of looking up is observing the beautiful things we couldn’t see. That the sound of the chains can only be heard when you’re moving.
Tell them that they will always have your unconditioned support. That regardless of date, place or conflict, your door will always be open for them. Tell them that your arms are wide open whenever they need it. This distance is not a problem when love binds you. That you will be there all your life, without judging or blaming, only to understand, listen, advice and love.
Tell them to come back home as warriors, dignified and brave, powerful, and unbridled. That a woman who tries to regain her power, self-trust or self-esteem is a person worthy of applause, and an inspiration for someone that is about to assume their mind, body and life.
Tell them about the importance of self-love, that inner peace is not negotiable, that ideals and principles are not for sale.
That it’s forbidden to close the eyes at the first signs of violence. That she shouldn’t let anyone ever ruin her dreams, that her wings are worth more than any status or cheque.
Tell the women you love that they have their own voice, that they can decide for themselves, that they have a name, a big family that will never turn their backs on them, that they have a home and a house.
Teach them that the first thing is self-love.
If you were born without wings, don’t do anything to stop them from growing…
Femininity is the divine adorning of humanity. It finds its expression in your power to love, in your spirituality, your delicacy, brightness, sensibility, creativity, charm, graciousness, kindness, dignity and your inner strength.
Try to give value to your surroundings and everything that you do. Inspire people, and let them enjoy your creations as if they would’ve crated them. Give them your dream and parts of your soul, or simply let them take it. Show them they can do more than you and be happy for this. Only this way you will make it. Don’t destroy. Don’t envy. Build. Always stay in the shadow. Let them shine first because their rays will fall on your face and they will enlighten you more beautiful than you think.
I like being a woman… with everything the gift of being born a woman brings… There is a special sweetness in a woman’s weakness… softness… her warm voice… and this state of deep calmness is relaxing… like a lullaby, when only a mother’s voice wraps the baby in her arms, who falls into sleep looking into her eyes… and the mother sings as if her only meaning in life is her baby’s sleep.
The woman… undressed her childhood’s clothes… but she kept the happiness of seeing the beauty in each face and thing…
The woman… broke up with adolescence… but she understood that love is given, not asked for… and she keeps her body covered, because it’s the most precious gift she can give in exchange for love…
The woman… leaves herself in God’s care, and makes no idols out of her husband, children, career, neither of expensive things, clothes or fancy homes, parents, friends or her body and beauty… Because all passes in life… and her treasure is where her heart is. And everything she loves more turns to passion, turns to pain and torment. That’s why her heart is in the sky.
The woman… doesn’t hide from hardship or pains, and she doesn’t feel that the cross she caries is too heavy. Because her hope is with God, knowing that she can handle everything that comes at her.
The woman… doesn’t fear anymore… to love… to give herself, even if her past is full of wounds, because the road ahead is unknown, and she can’t move forward if she looks behind.
The woman… knows herself and she know who she is… however, her deep soul remains a mystery even for her.
There are lots of types of women in the world… maybe out of each Adam, God created a woman to match him… thus the Earth became a big garden filled with flowers, each with its own smell, own beauty… own perfume… and sometimes with spiky thorns.
I would like to smell like a flower field… lavender and cornflowers, and chamomile flowers and green grass at noon… this is what I like.
But sometimes I like to smell of cherry flowers… or peony and lilac… this is my perfume now…
But there will come a time when I will want to be like basil, which never loses its aroma…
I broke all my spikes… I woke up one morning and didn’t need them anymore. I am only left with petals… when petals touch, they caress.
But there are still so many spikes in the garden, born out of many wounds and fears… out of insecurity and pain that I hid in a corner so I won’t suffocate… I don’t judge women that fight, no!
Sometimes it saddens me and I want to caress them, even though sometimes their aggressiveness scares me. But I understand them, because any fight against men and other women is firstly a fight within themselves… in her heart, in her thought… in her soul… born out of pain and fear. And God, if a woman’s life becomes a battlefield, I wonder what her soul feels like… first of all… it must be tiresome!
Being a woman means living without fighting… doing everything with gentleness, with kind words…
“It pays off to be nice…” a smart woman once told me… There is a lot of cleverness in the world, a lot of science… but not a lot of wisdom, even less kindness…
A woman with a hint of kindness can move mountains!
A woman that believes… wins the sky and takes everyone around with her.
Someone once said that a powerful man needs a powerful woman… I would say that a powerful man needs a kind and gentle woman… Because a man’s fire can only be lit by air, and put off by water and earth… Therefore, a woman needs to be as light as air, deep as water and steady as earth.
I’ve always dreamt of having wings so I could fly. I don’t know if I wanted to fly so I could see the world from above or just so I could fight time and get places quicker than he could’ve taken me.
I never got the wings, but time brought me new worlds, some seen from up above, from the skies.
I enjoy each view that brings diversity in my life, but I always think about wings and my endless flight.
I realized today that my wings and flight are not about place or time.
My flight is about freedom. It’s about how nobody and nothing can keep you down. It’s about the silence that only you want to hear up above, silence that should never end. It’s about a road on which you start, which you can come back to at any time, because there, in the skies, there are no rules.
And it’s about a life without death, because I imagined my flight while I was watching the birds. And I don’t think that birds in the sky ever die…